Back to school and all of that nonsense.

My summer is officially over in one week. It's depressing, considering I had been looking forward to this particular summer for a very, very long time. I always thought that the first summer I had my license would be one of the best of my life. This proved to be true. The summer of 2012 has been my favorite so far. (:

Although I'm excited to take on the academic challenges of junior year, I'm dreading reentering the high school social scene. Over the summer I get to pick and choose who I hang out with and who I avoid. I haven't really been avoiding anyone in particular, but I'm not especially eager to see everyone every day again. 

Things I'm dreading about going back to school:

- the dances

- the painfully shallow conversations

- the drama

- the crazy amounts of homework

- the majority of the freshmen class

- the pressure to get really good grades because it's my junior year

- the class presentations (I always shake so much I can hardly stand and I'm almost always on the verge of being sick.)

I guess it's only fair to write what I'm looking forward to as well.

- new friends (we have some new kids in our class)

- hanging out with old/new friends (friends I've made over the summer and last year)

- participating in NHS

- going to basketball and football games

- being in two classes taught by my favorite teacher

- taking on the harder classes

- dual enrolling and getting college credit

- being in yearbook

- the high school retreat

- chapel every Friday

- going back to school with a new attitude and fewer insecurities 

- being one of the upperclassmen 

- being one year away from being a senior 

- moving campuses and getting a locker for once

- getting to know the few freshmen that aren't annoying (;

So I guess I'm looking forward to a lot more than I'm dreading. I just need to take a deep breath, and trust that God has it all under control. He isn't going to send me back unprepared. I feel different, and I just know that this year is going to be different for me somehow. That isn't going to change just because it's something I want to happen. That's not how God works. 

And I still have one week. I think I'll spend most of it praying about next year. Praying that it's different.

Lucky.

Or maybe the proper word is blessed.

I'm so blessed.

It's been a rough five, almost six years now, for me. Not by lots of other people's standards--just me personally. But this past summer has probably been the best of my life. I've become friends with some people in my class that I thought I could only hope to become friends with. I've spent time with some amazing family members that I haven't seen in five years. But more than that, God has radically changed my perspective on who I am and my individual personality.

I'm starting to really like and enjoy me.

No, scratch that--

I freaking love me.

It blows my mind how different I feel. Even if other people don't notice the difference, I sure as heck do. I'm more creative. I'm happier. I'm more relaxed. I think generally I'm more fun to be around. Things that would have terrified me four months ago don't scare me in the slightest. Going back to school next year will be the ultimate test to see if I really am different or if I just feel different. I already know the answer. I may not be as brave as I am right now at school next year, but I know there will be an improvement.

Somehow or someway, my junior year is going to be different. Don't ask me how I know that-- I just do.

And I. am. so. excited.